Yes, even I have an OCD side.

I work with word documents a lot on account of being this really very important content-editor and essay evaluator. Yes, I have to work with very complicated software like MS Word, Notepad, Wordpad and MS Word. Did I mention MS Word?


So, I’ve come to notice a while ago that the way documents come to me can affect my mood a lot. Take justifying text, for example. I am quite obsessive about it. On opening a word doc, I almost automatically drag my mouse to the formatting tool bar, select all text and justify the fuck out of it. There! Finally, the jagged-line-edges on the right have become even. Now, onto the next task.

I hunt for serif fonts quite pointlessly, coz I know I’ve already fixed on one font…Garamond. I hate the Arial font family. Likewise, Times New Roman. To me, it’s quite ugly, actually. Fonts like Helvetica and Impact are anathema to me. UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! How aesthetically unattractive. How plain and boring, with lumpy shapes. I like Calibri, Cambria, Century Gothic, Palatino Linotype. Nice, compact, elegant.


Do you see the irony tho?
1. Me. OCDing about how a word doc looks even before I read it.
2. Liking the skinny fonts over the big, bold, simple, no-frills ones.

I wonder what this says about me. For those of you who know me, you KNOW I’m nowhere near either of that. Body image issues? For sure! But isn’t this taking it too far? I guess I’ll do the wondering on my own coz you definitely don’t need THAT image. I’ll just leave you with this:

Do our innermost hypocrites burst out in ridiculous absurdities like this?

PS: I've deliberately chosen a sans serif font here on my blog and yes, very very deliberately chose to leave my text unjustified. I'm rebelling against my own good-girl tendencies

Blog crazy!

Ever since I started this blog, I've become a little extra-obsessive. I've added all kindsa "bling" to my blog, as one friend put it. I've cajoled and then threatened people to comment and follow it. I've done all but REALLY write. Thank you for putting up with me. I am really happy today coz I've got 14 followers (thanx Yamee!) and I got a hit from effin POLAND, yo! This is fun. Sorry for being soo nuts. I will grow out of it soon, but hopefully, not out of writing. :)

Wondering why I even bothered writing this "post"? Coz I'm just THAT happy and nuts today. :D

A Love Letter

Dear Hyderabad,

I love you. I am IN LOVE with you. I’ve never even bothered denying it. It would’ve been of no use. You are my first love and everyone knows that first loves stick around for always. Why? I don’t know.

Maybe it was because I put up a fierce resistance and you sneaked up on me anyway.

…bookstalls in Abids…bargaining with fruit sellers…

…chatting in hostel rooms…VC rock…

…walks and train stations…discovering the beauty of dying embers…

…cycling on campus in the darkness…piles of clothes, always PILES!...

Maybe it’s because I put you on a pedestal, being a silly small-town girl that I really am inside. Maybe, it’s because I finally found myself only with you. You were so many firsts. You made me a woman and showed me how to be a girl.

…Peacock lake…Music and OD…

…Long walks and exploring new corners…

…hunting for my own place…creepy real estate brokers…

…dark musty holes that I must call “rooms”…

…deserted roads…maddening hunger…curious neighbors...

…the freedom of dirty rooms…discovering the kitchen…

…the delivery boys who became familiar strangers…an overfull toothbrush stand…

…the thrill of a dining table and a full-length mirror…

Maybe it’s the secrets you shared, all those bits of you that make me cry out with joy and wonder, those tastes that…well…take me places :)

…sunrises and more importantly, sunsets—at the lakes, Sunset Peak, at Golconda, while riding on the MMTS, while lost around Begumpet…

…an autoride from Mehdipatnam to campus…and of course, quarrelling with the auto guy…

…Starless skies and cloud-filled nights…moons that go up and down…

…eat street…Birla temple…tank bund…

…Siddiques! And Temptations!!!...HALEEM!...Qubani ka meetha!...Mint, paan and MORE…

Maybe it’s because I finally found something in you that is just me…and yet not. You make me roll my eyes and smile coz you’re just so adorably infuriating, laugh like a maniac coz only you can say those things…make me livid with unspent anger because as much as you consume me, you are a total shithead, sometimes.

…HCU, all of it, every bit of it…even the most mundane details…

Banjara Hills and GVK One…City Centre…

…Ravindra Bharati…Waterfront…Golconda…theatre and theatrics (ha!)…

…Hyderabadi Hindi? Urdu? Telugu?....Best Books…

……Prasadz…the crowd at Prasadz  …Necklace Road…

…the traffic!!…the ogling eyes(?)...the VISIBLE heat …the mind-numbing cold... the stink…

Maybe it’s because whenever I come to you, even today, it feels like I’m coming home.

…autowallahs…Hyderabadi, just Hyderabadi…Biryani…Hussein Sagar…Prasadz…MMTS rides…

I don’t know all the whys, but the maybes always seem to overwhelm me.

I don’t know you, really. I haven’t seen many sides of you, so many places and things that make you YOU. But the pieces of you that I’ve managed to make my own will stay with me for far too long. I know I should not think of returning, but then, I’ve never been much good at “should NOTs.”

With love and nostalgia,

Me at my lone roof

My Fav Post of 2010

Here is a re-post yo! My favorite piece of my writing from the year that was...

Those Ugly Beings...

I cant breathe clean...nasty nasty...my hungry lungs...i suffocate..i'm claustrophobic...i pant and suck in air greedily...don’t close the door…I want in…its my room…I need space…get the fuck out…just leave me alone…just LEAVE ME ALONE…go away go away go the HELLL away…I want to scream…go away go away…love hate beauty ugly fat cold…oh soooooooooo cooldd coooooooooold….frozen…dirty…crawling all over my skin…grease…I hate you I hate you…how dare you…why do you get to say all those things…and why don’t i…I hate you…you talk you think its okay to say whatever u want wherever you want…and must listen and pretend I don’t hear…I see you everywhere you bastard I hate you I hate you…you are ugly ugly ugly…rotten black goo…powerless weasel snivelling…and I must see you everywhere…man man man…everywhere man…the arrogance…you stink of it…don’t go alone don’t go alone…its not safe…I wanna scream and cry and thrash and hurt and skin and tear and claw…

I’m me I’m me I’m ME…leave me be…I want space…I need air…I need space to run and be and breathe and think and laugh and dance and gaze and love…midnight…biking…freedom…wind..cold cold air…waking up the rage…the anger...the thrill...the mad in me…do you want to be raped…oh mi god she is a slut…look at her clothes…rolling eyes...whispers...sleaze...dizziness...cold cooooooooooooldd…hands...warmth...dirtiness...eyes…oh those eyes that are everywhere...watching watching...always watching…smirking…SEEING...wondering…those eyes that I claw out..,claw and poke…and slap and kick and make you SHUT THE HELL UP…forever…just shut up shut up shut up shut up…I don’t wanna hear anymore…my life my life…its MY LIFE…I don’t need anything anyone…stupid…playing games…why why why why why...my completeness accept…my power my beauty my wholeness…always stepping crushing belittling stamping laughing touching groping feeling breaking spoiling stopping waiting scheming playing…dirty dirty dirty…power…I hate you…disappear…soft and sweet and fragrant mystery…shatter…probing, prodding…plane…angles…squares and circles...away away away…don’t meet…don’t meet...judging always judging…façade…cool cool closed scheming façade…that mask covering your ugly thoughts...cut it off...piece by piece…I hate you

Superlative joys

Happy New Year, ya’ll!

Hope you all began your year on a wonderful, jubilant note. Mine was “nice.” I seem to be describing a lot of things in life like that nowadays. I might be running out of adjectives. I am almost tired of “great,” “cool” and “awesome” too. But those are still the ones that pop into my head and slide down to my tongue at those semi-interesting happy occasions in life.

You thinking of going abroad? Nice…or rather, NAAAAAAAAICE! which roughly translates into “Yay! Good for you. I’m moderately excited for you. I will actively listen for about 10 minutes and even ask you relevant questions, but after that I will tune out coz since it’s not immediately relevant to me; I don’t care a whole lot, really, except that if you are really close to me, I’m going to miss you tons…which really sux baaaaad.”

You are doing great at your job / found the most divine dress while shopping / you had an awesome time with your friends / your boyfriend is acting cutely retarded? AWESOME!!
And I really mean it. I really am happy for you. I understand the joy of actually wanting to wake up and go to the office. I know what having that is like and I know what NOT having that was like. I do get the shopping thing, now that I’ve maybe begun to discover the X chromosome in me. And yea…having had some amazing times with my friends, I know exactly how much that can make your day, week, month. The boyfriend thing is iffy, but well…yea, I can be happy for you, genuinely…as long as I’m allowed to be openly bitchy to your face as well. It’s just that there seems to be nothing I can say that can CONTRIBUTE. “AWESOME” is my vigorous verbal nod and sparkle-eye, wide grin with an occasional chuckle thrown in.

If the occasion is not as momentous, I sometimes use “Great,” although, recently, I’ve been using it exclusively to respond to “How u doings (not the Joey ones)/ How are you’s.” On more than one occasion, I’ve noticed that I veer away from the more subdued “good” and just type in “great,” while I’m oscillating between the two. Notice how we’ve all jumped up by one superlative since the MNCs. Good has become great and great—AWESOME! When we feel AWESOME, we need to get creative pronto, or resort to the violent-sounding happiness of THRILLED TO BITS or MIND (FUCKING) BLOWING or what have you.

Perhaps, this year, I must work on my adjectives. That is a GREAT resolution, don’t you think?